


Not Worthy

by katesibuna



Category: House of Anubis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:47:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27459709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katesibuna/pseuds/katesibuna
Summary: Eddie Miller slips back into bad habits. He’s lost the girl he loves and uncovers that his father is not who he thought he was. (Eddie-centric, hints of Peddie)
Relationships: Eddie Miller & Patricia Williamson, Eddie Miller/Eric Sweet, Eddie Miller/Patricia Williamson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Not Worthy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I don’t know where this came from, but here we go! Let me know if you liked it :))

Sometimes Eddie Miller could not quite place why exactly he had decided to come to school in England. Sure, he had always been in trouble in America and yeah, his Mom had always threatened to send him here if his behaviour didn’t improve. But ultimately the choice to come here, it had been this. 

Yes, Eddie did want to meet his father again and a tiny part of him wanted Eric to feel the way Eddie felt, after he left. He wanted to reject him, scream at him, tell him exactly what he thought of him- how terrible of a father he was, if you could even call him a father.   
But, when he got there- when he screamed at Eric and told him exactly how it made him feel- Eddie didn’t feel any better. Eddie felt lost, he had made things worse, and Eric was the only person who wanted him there. Did that count for anything? Eddie couldn’t decide.   
He was so angry at him, how could he leave? How could he do that to him? Every night Eddie would sit staring out of his bedroom window, hoping his father would come to them. And every night he would feel the bitter wave of disappointment and rejection when he didn’t come home.   
Eddie felt broken and thought it was his fault his Dad had left, he was disappointed he had such a lousy son, and decided he wouldn’t have a son anymore. 

This was a major turning point in Eddie’s life. This was when the trouble began. Eddie decided- if his Dad thought he was lousy, if he thought he was a troublemaker- then that’s exactly what he would be. Why should he try to be a good person, if it had already been decided that he was awful? 

That’s when the partying started. One Eddie started to drink, he would seldom stop. It helped him to feel whole again, it filled the void of darkness in his head. This was soon followed by girls, lots and lots of girls. Girls who Eddie could not have cared less about. He needed a distraction, he couldn’t be left alone with his own thoughts. So, he went from girl to girl, kissing, drinking, touching and sleeping with them. It was an endless cycle. And he put his mother through hell. Every night he went out she would fear for her Son. She sat in the arm chair in their living room, staring at the door waiting for him to get home. And every night, when she saw her little boy completely drunk and so unhappy- it killed her inside. 

Eddie noticed this, so once he had been suspended from his school for getting into yet another fight. Boarding school had been threatened once more, but this time- Eddie told his Mom he wanted to go. He didn’t want her to be the one who had to deal with all of his shit anymore. It was only fair that Eric had a turn. And off to England Eddie went. 

Things had been different here. He was still so angry at his father, even after getting everything off of his chest. He still felt like he had been abandoned, he still felt alone and he just wanted something to help fulfil him.   
Throughout that year, things had started to look up for Eddie, he and his Dad had agreed to get to know each other better and he had finally met a girl he had cared about. Patricia. She was different, they fought and their relationship was chaotic to be polite, but she made him feel like he could do anything. He hated that she could turn him into such a sap. With other girls Eddie jumped into bed with them and was gone before they woke up the next morning, but with Yacker, he wanted more than that, he wanted to be with her and he just wanted her to be happy.   
He found out Eric didn’t leave him because he didn’t want him. He had been trying to protect Eddie from the secret identity he was yet to uncover. The Osirion, the great protector, This was Eddie’s fate. His Dad did love him, he cared what happened to him all along and Eddie had just been blinded to it. But he really really cared. 

Things had gotten better. Until that Summer when Patricia had broken up with him. He was so bewildered by this, he didn’t know where it came from. He thought things had been going well he knew he had been happy but she obviously wasn’t. After she left to go back to England, and to be single- Eddie felt his heart break in two. He loved her. He had never loved anyone before, and if this was the end product, he would NEVER love anyone ever again. 

Eddie realised, the second he gets too attached to people and things, they get destroyed or they leave him. Why did nobody ever stay? His Dad had left and now so had Patricia. He couldn’t take it, he locked himself in his room and cried and cried. He soon found himself back to sleeping with a new girl every Saturday. Thankfully, there had only been two weeks left of summer vacation after Patricia had dumped him, so he had only slept with two girls. But Eddie intended on keeping up this pattern once back in England. Although, he knew deep down he could sleep with every girl on campus and still be filled with a void. If it wasn’t Patricia, nothing would change. 

The following week Eddie learned his father was not as nice as he thought, he had been in some bad guy club with Victor and they had almost harmed his friends the year before he came. Eddie’s head was spinning, he had never felt so fucking alone. All he wanted was someone to talk, someone to care. Even Eric had turned out to be lying. He wasn’t protecting him, he had just been evil. And Eddie realised that nobody would ever love him, nobody ever had. He wasn’t worthy of love. The only thing he was good for was when they needed someone to leave. Someone to drop like a dirty tissue. He was worthless. And he was done caring. The new and improved Eddie Miller was gone. The real him would return. 

That weekend, Jacob- guy who lives in Isis House threw a party. Eddie went, hoping to find some girls AND some alcohol. He wanted, no he NEEDED to get blackout drunk. It would help for a bit. Once he had sourced the alcohol in the party Eddie went back for cup after cup. He was very accomplished at hiding how intoxicated he was, so that wasn’t a problem. 

His eyes scanned the room for a girl to accompany his drink, because old habits die hard, especially with Eddie. He then spent half an hour with a bubbly blonde and they ended up making out, but Eddie got bored of her, she didn’t have the fire he wanted, and he felt no sparks, he needed sparks. He couldn’t see anyone who caught his attention, and then he saw Yacker. She was sitting at the kitchen table, laughing at some guy’s jokes. Eddie clenched his fists, they began turning whiter and whiter until he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to talk to her, but he needed some more courage. He grabbed another cup, then another cup, then another and finally, he had the buzz he needed to talk to her. He couldn’t watch that guy flirt with her any longer. Why was Patricia letting this guy flirt with her? 

He got up and walked towards her, “Yacker, we need to talk.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her into the neighbouring bedroom. She protested all the way, muttering to get off her.   
“What exactly do we need to talk about?” She spat. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? About my Dad?” 

“I thought it was ancient history, Eddie.”

“My girlfriend should have told me! Regardless.”

“Ex-girlfriend.”

“Not at the time, Yacker. And what are you doing with that loser?”

“Talking to him? It’s none of your business anyhow.” She announced, each word cutting Eddie like glass. “AND, it’s not like you haven’t been busy. I saw you with the blonde bimbo. And I’ve heard about you sleeping with half of campus. So don’t lecture me. I’m single and so are you, but you’ve definitely been taking advantage of it, haven’t you?” 

“I wanted them all to be you. I just needed something, someone to take my mind off everything.” 

He felt himself going closer to her, “It’s you I want.” He tucked a stray piece of her hair behind he eat and stared at her. She looked at the floor, avoiding eye contact at all costs. He was drunk, how could she be sure if he really wanted her or he just wanted to sleep with her? She pulled away from him. 

“Leave me alone Eddie, we can talk tomorrow- when you’re sober.” And with that she walked away. 

Eddie cursed himself for being so stupid. He set himself up, nobody could love him. He just needed to accept that. He drank more and more and more until eventually he was unconscious. 

The next morning the whole house was worried when he wasn’t at breakfast. He obviously hadn’t come home. At 11:30 am he waltzed through the door. The rejection of the previous night seething through him. 

Eddie couldn’t remember exactly what Patricia had said. All he could remember is her walking away from him. He wouldn’t bring it up again. He wouldn’t allow himself to be rejected again. He didn’t know she wanted him to talk to her again today, it was all clouded in a fog of liquor and other girls, girls he didn’t want. 

Patricia waited for him to talk to her but he never did. Eddie just allowed himself to sink further and further into oblivion. He wasn’t worthy of love. He wasn’t worthy of Patricia, he wasn’t worthy of having a father.   
The only thing he was worthy of was a life of alcohol and filling his void with meaningless sex. 

Eddie Miller knew he was not worthy of anything good.


End file.
